Humans are really wired for failure. Think about it? I often gives squirrels shit for having not learned that running out in front of the big steel moving things is a bad idea. But humans are exactly the same. Children molested by adults grow up to be sluts, or child molesters. Instead of gravitating away from the thing that has hurt them so profoundly, they go towards it. Girls whose fathers abandoned them seek out asshole guys and unavailable guys who will treat them as badly as their father did. We're all fools. We're all masochists. We don't learn ether.

We're wired to perpetuate and continue destructive behaviour.

Why else is it that we don't know how amazing, or valuable or special something is until it's gone? Suddenly all the stupid things that seemed so important and significant at the time are completely meaningless because at least at that time you felt what was behind all of it. Then it's gone, and suddenly there is nothing behind it. You only have memories and feelings, and nowhere to place them to.

People say that it's better to know than not to know. But some times that's not true. At all. Sometimes not knowing is okay. Because you get to have one very comforting thing in the period of not knowing. You get to have hope. When everything else is dark, when everything else has fallen to pieces you have hope to hold onto. For now, for a day or, I have hope. No matter how faint it is. No matter how small the sliver.. it's still hope.

What happens next... well, it'll be okay. It's always okay. I know what I want, I know what I would do. But now it's not up to me. Nor should it be, I suppose. Everyone is okay. Or, at least, will be okay.


I forgot my ipod before I went out today and so I had to resort to listening to the radio. As I drove home, I found it painfully hilarious how much music is about one thing: love. Falling in love, being in love. Breaking hearts. Having your heart broken.



Already I see things. I hear things. I read things. And the first thing I want to do, is pick up my phone, and send a message. Share a giggle at amusement and absurdity. But I can't.

It's all so fragile.