I am an Intellectual



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Hmm.. I hope that's not supposed to be Michael Moore on the left.

Michael Moore is not an intellectual.

Fuck.

Why couldn't I have gotten the Conspiracy Nut?
- posted by Brendan @ 9:32 PM 0 comments

 
4 down in 3
It is now.. 7:07am, and guess what?

I have not slept. Why you ask? Well, why do I never sleep? Because I procrastinate.

And what is procrastination?

Procrasination is like masturbation. It's a lot of fun till you realize you've fucked yourself.

Fucking myself aside - this was a very interesting evening/night/morning. Whatever. In celebration of the end of Development & Pre-Production, my class went out for drinks. This was the first night I ever drank at an actual establishment for drinking (henceforth referred to as a "bar"). Usually it's all about the basement or apartment. But woo.. being served drinks? What an idea! We had an "in" at a particular bar that allowed us to sneak through, IDs unchecked. Still, I didn't actually drink that much. 2 beers, a vodka tonic and a shot of tequilla to end the night was my final tally. Not that spectacular considering the guy next to me pounded down 4 rum & cokes (I think that's what he was drinking..) in the same amount of time I did the tonic. But there was a compelling reason to remain relatively sober: the 4 papers and a "final project" I had due tomorrow morning. Or, shall I say now, this morning.

Woot.

So, around 12:15am (we started at 5pm) I arrived back at my place with the task of 1) sobering up enough to type cohently and 2) staying awake. Neither of which seemed possible at first, but as the alcohol faded and was replaced by coffee, life got a lot easier.

I would share my "final project" - since it is online - with you, but it's not particularly spectacular - plus it's only meaningful if you've read "Native Son". Otherwise it just looks like a stupid .gif animation that should have been done in Flash - but I don't know flash. So.. it's a .gif thanks to Jasc's animation software.

I'm rambling because I'm really tried and I really hope that all I have to do is drop off my papers to class this morning and I can take off. I hope. I hope...
- posted by Brendan @ 7:19 AM 0 comments

 
Tantamount to disaster
It suddenly dawned on me, while playing pong, naked, at 2 in the afternoon that I need to get out and do something.

But what?
- posted by Brendan @ 2:06 PM 0 comments

 
By a thread - Part 2
"No." I said, "Remember when I gave you that ring? What it meant? That ring is for you. Because what I felt when I gave you that - won't change. It's for you. Not me. I said it was forever, no matter what happened. I meant that."

She held the ring out infrot of me, lingering for a moment in space.
A tear rolled down her cheek.
She closed her eyes and nodded.
And took the ring back in her palm.

"Do I have anything you want back?" she asked.

That scared me. Immediately I thought of the Blood: The Last Vampire I had let her borrow during summer that I'd never gotten back. But I didn't say anything.

"No."

Why didn't I point out the DVD? I'm not sure. I guess I saw it as insurance. An excuse to call her, to visit her - to see her.

"Well - call me, if you want to go out again. But - if I don't hear from you for a while. I'll understand. I'll know."

"That's not how I'd break up with you, Sarah. To just disappear? I'll call."

PAUSE

"No you won't."

She had to be to work by 2. Time was running out.

"I will."

PAUSE

"I might not answer."

I meant it when I said I'd call. In honesty, even if we'd have lasted a week of a "break" without talking I would have made that call Saturday. I would have wanted to see her. I don't know if that response, "I might not answer." was meant to scare me or was the truth. Either way - it scared me. Maybe it was both. Maybe it scared her too.

We sat in long stretches of silence. Not sure what to say to eachother. The tension was incredible, and it felt that at any given moment one of us was going to crack, beg the other not to do this. That things didn't need to end, and there was time left for us. But no one spoke.

Breaking up with Sarah, there in the front seat of my car, outside her house, was wrong.

She opened the door to go to her car - I opened mine.

"No - just.. let me go. Don't walk me to my car."

I closed my door and watched her walk away.

My stomach hurt. Literally. The Olive Garden meal was causing my stomach to knot up and sound as if it were deperately attempting to disgest itself. Not to mention Sarah was walking away and, under these circumstances, I'd never see her again.

That hurt too.

So I opened the door and ran to her. I just held her, tightly.

After some tears, after exchanging some whispers, a kiss - she asked me to put her ring back on her finger.

So I did.


Who knows how strong this branch is that we grabbed? But it really doesn't matter. When the time comes for us to part ways, we'll know it. And even if it hurts, we'll know when it's right. But now, right now, we know that what's right is for us to be together.

Differences and all.


- posted by Brendan @ 1:27 AM 0 comments

 
Interlude

Question Posted By: curious on Tuesday, December 07, 1999:
This is not about addiction to alcohol, but just a funny reaction I get when I drink it. If I have a drink (wine, beer, vodka, etc.), within a few sips, my face turns red and gets blotchy, I get warm, and in general it takes a lot less of it for me to "feel" the effects than most people. It is not just on an empty stomach either. Am I allergic to alcohol or something in it? Have you heard of this before? Is it dangerous? Can you tell me more - I don't drink much. Thanks!

Answer Posted By: SA, M.D. - HVMA on Wednesday, December 22, 1999
When a person drinks alcohol, it is absorbed into the bloodstream and broken down in a series of chemical reactions which take place with the help of enzymes. One of the intermediate breakdown products is a fairly toxic chemical called acetaldehyde. Most people have enough of an enzyme called "acetaldehyde dehydrogenase" to keep the level of acetaldehyde which accumulates in the system fairly low. Some people (often they are ethnically Asian) are born with very low quantities of acetaldehyde dehydrogenase. When they drink, they get sick, because too much acetaldehyde accumulates. The anti-alcoholism medication Antabuse (disulfiram) works by inhibiting acetaldehyde dehydrogenase. You are having an Antabuse reaction without the Antabuse. So don't drink, and consider yourself lucky that you don't need to worry about becoming an alcoholic.

DrSteve - http://www.HeadDocs.com


So - that's why when I drink I light up like a Christmas tree. Yet my Japanese blood and Irish blood seem to have made an interesting combination - because when I drink I may turn bright red, but I can drink as much as the next guy without throwing up on a significant other. I look like I'm about to pass out after one drink, but I'm completely sober. In other words, my Irish blood has never let my Japanese blood stop me from drinking. And isn't that America is all about?
- posted by Brendan @ 10:00 PM 0 comments

 
By a thread - Part 1
There have been a few fights that have taken Sarah and I close to the edge. On Sunday, though, we didn't just go to the edge. We went beyond. We went to the edge and fell off.

Then, we caught a branch halfway down.


It started on Saturday - when I took Sarah to see Lost In Translation. Now, to me, the film's the best of the year. I wanted to share it with her not only for that reason, but because I thought there was some relevance to the way those two people, at different points in their life, found each other and became companions for each other to her and I. The film meant many things to me, and that was one of them. However, Sarah predisposition to dislike Scarlet Johanson (which I did not know going in) lead to her ho-hum reception - which really disappointed me. Especially since everyone I've recommended the film to has been very positive about it. That my girlfriend wasn't, but could enjoy every bit of Boat Trip, began the road to questioning how compatible we really are. I can forget about sharing the magic of 2001: A Space Odyssey with her because if Lost In Translation put her to sleep, then 2001 will put her in a fucking coma.

No, she didn't hate it. She just thought it was "Okay - probably a lot better if Scarlet Johanson wasn't in it." While I love Johanson, I can empathize with hating an actress for no real rational reason, that makes it impossible to enjoy films with that person in them. For me - it's Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock, and to a lesser extent Renee Zellweger. Everyone likes Erin Brokovich (I accidentally saw a special preview screening of that film) - but I hated it. Why? Julia Roberts mere presence on screen irritated me. Though Sandra Bullock is worse.

Still, I'd have been a lot happier if she had said "Oh my god! That was incredible!" like I did when I saw (see) it. For my part, seeing Lost In Translation for a second time only lead to my need to see it a third, fourth.. more.. times.

In retrospect, I can take comfort that she is able to see the value in The Last Samurai (which I got her to concede is better than Return of the King --- which, it is.) Whale Rider (but, fuck, who doesn't? like Whale Rider? :P), Mulholland Drive, Magnolia, Grave of the Fireflies (though we need to finish it - but who likes the 1st half of Grave of the Fireflies who doesn't like the second?), and so on. I think I just take films too personally so when she doesn't like one I'm passionate about I feel as though it's a blow to me. *sigh*

Anyway - after fighting Saturday I apologized and Sunday morning I wanted to take her to lunch to make up for being, you know, psycho. Well - we ended up at the Italian restaurant The Olive Garden and had, shall we say, a bad time. The food wasn't good, the waitress was very average and distracted with us, and overall it was just a poor time that set the mood for the rest of the day. We started to fight, and drove around in silence for a while. By the time I was dropping her off at home we had started down the dangerous 'maybe we need a break' path.

Which is simply a nice way to say "It's time we see other people".

Then she gave me the ring I got her for our 3 month, back.


To be continued
- posted by Brendan @ 12:01 PM 0 comments