Okay - I'm back. I eased my jangled nerves with a ride through the forest.

Or not.

I suppose I'll let this be a lesson to me regarding entering large amounts of text into Blogger. That lesson is: Thou shalt always compose large entries in notepad prior to pasting to Blogger, lest ye accidentally close thy browser.

*sigh*

So lets see if I can remember the ranting I was doing, shall we?

From 3:30pm to 12:30am I was helping Sarah move out of her apartment and back to her family's home. It's the most manual labor I've down in quite a while. Carrying those heavy boxes, sweating... I got to feel so manly. I should have worn a tank top or a wife-beater, with a bottle of beer. Would have been very masculine... all that testosterone. Grr! Actually, I've been helping Sarah with her move the past 3 days but the bulk of it was done today, by far. It was hot and muggy today, which made it even worse. We took an hour break to get dinner at Friday's since neither of us had eaten at all today, we were dehydrated with pounding headaches and starving. Then it was back to work.

Sarah was hesitant to move back in with her family after being on her own for the past 2 years. The loss of total freedom will be tough for her because Sarah is a very independant girl, but I really think it's for the best. Her being back home means we won't be able to spend nearly the amount of time together we used to - as I doubt her mom will tolerate me being at their house till 3am every night, live I've been the last 3 months - which is another thing that worried her (and me), but again - in the end I think this move will be a good thing for her. Moreover, in 2 months I'll be moved out myself and living in Chicago - which means we'll be seeing even less of eachother. I think that this sort of gradual (I'm hesistant to use this word -) seperation will take away some of the 'shock' of not seeing eachother almost every day. I hope so anyway.

That said, I'm dying to move into my place. To think that I'll be in complete control of my surroundings. I can't wait to decorate it. It's going to be a black, white and red color scheme with Asian accents. Sarah asked if she could help me decorate but that's really going to be a 'mom and son' thing. We've already picked up a few things for my apartment. Some pillows, a shower curtain and kitchen set... but the big stuff hasn't started yet (still have time). I told her she could help with the accessorizing part, which seemed to satisfy her since, in my opinion, that's the part that's the most fun.

Plus, at my apartment I'll have DSL. Sweet... and, Finally!

I talked to Karen last night. She read my previous entry about how different work has become without her and Alyssa around and it made her cry. Sorry ^_^; It was interesting talking to her on the phone because I could totally picture her while she was speaking. She was very hyper and at some points I could barely get a word in, which was great. It felt like she was here. I miss her, and them. Before now I didn't really worry about it because I was anticipating being gone at the same time they were. But now, I'm still here - to finish out the season without them. I thought for once I'd be leaving too, instead of being the one left behind all the time.

I've been somewhat discontent with my hair cut lately. I teeter-totter between wanting to get my hair cut short like it used to be, and wanting my longer hair I had last winter. I really think I'll let it grow long again, because I kind of miss that. I'm a bit wiser about getting my hair that long than I was last time so I think I'll be able to 'control' it better. I really like Kyan Douglas' hair. My hair's about that length now on top, needs to be longer in the back and on the sides. But I guess I'm getting close. I could probably go a little longer than his, too.

I was going to write a lot more, but it's almost 4 and I just summarized everything I'd written before I lost the last entry, so I think I'll just stick to this. I'll finish the rest tomorrow.
- posted by Brendan @ 3:47 AM 0 comments

 
FUCK!

I just wrote about 3 pages worth of shit when I got a fucking pop-up. I go to close the pop-up and mistakingly close Netscape - losing everything I'd written.

Goddamn.

This sucks sooo much. All that fucking work. Gone in 1 second.

I'm going to get a glass of water, shoot some XBox covenant aliens and get out my agressions on fucking pop-up ads that DON'T FUCKING WORK. Get that all you loser dot-coms? NO ONE pays attentions to pop-ups, so just drop it. Morons.

Oh well. I'll be back in a few hours and try to re-write everything.

*sigh*
- posted by Brendan @ 1:47 AM 0 comments

 

It hurt, too...

- posted by Brendan @ 2:15 PM 0 comments

 
Okay - so the W32.Sobig.F@mm worm is really pissing me off now. I'm getting 90 emails a day containing this worm. I thought the last worm was bad, but no - this is even more irritating.

I suggest everyone running Windoes 98+ visit this page and scan your HDD for the worm. The thing about this worm that particularly pisses me off is that now I'm getting emails from people I don't even know telling me to stop sending me emails with the worm attached, and that I must be infected. No - my computer is not infected, that's not how a worm works. Someone who got infected had my email address stored in their address book and so now my email is part of the cache of email addresses it uses. Which goes for many, if not most, of the people supposedly sending this around.

Which is why everyone should got to that site and download the scanning software.

Why people continue to download weird files from stranger's emails, I'll never understand...
- posted by Brendan @ 5:22 AM 0 comments

 
Work has become a very strange experience now. I keep waiting for Karen, or Alyssa or Marisa to pop up looking for their check or to see if the new schedule is up - even if I know that they won't be doing that. They're all gone. At this moment, all that can be accounted for of the 'old school' team is Tom and myself, and Tom was never really part of the clique. He's sort of a default clique on to himself. It's a bit lonely. Not necessarily "bad", but lonely - and most definitely "different".

Alyssa called me at 4am last night, but I had already drifted to sleep and couldn't get myself to answer the phone. I kind of wished I would have...

Everyone's gone. There's no more "going out with the girls" after a long night of work. No more AMC movies and trips to Denny's, no more of Marisa's spinach dip. No more spinny-spinny. Probably never again. Not like it used to be, anyway.

A couple days ago, my mom starting cry over lunch about me moving out in November. Seems everyone is having tough times letting go. Myself included. Letting go of everyone...

Okay - I'm bumming myself out now. I suppose a fear of the future is starting to dawn on me as it gets closer. Granted, I'm still going to be in this town commuting for another 2 months, but that time will go quickly. After that? Away from home. Away from family and friends. Away from Sarah. I suppose that after spending the better part of 4 high school years without any 'real' friends, it won't be such a big deal. I learned to adapt to being alone and entertaining myself. I've just been spoiled with an "other" or "others" lately.

I had a nightmare about my highschool last night. I dreamt that for some reason, my entire senior class needed to come back to school for one year - we needed to redo our senior year of high school. I remember feeling a profound helplessness. Specifically over having to re-adapt to a JROTC military program. Not to mention re-adapting to high school life in general. I dreamt there was a whole new set of rules. I spent my dream worrying about if I had worn the right uniform to class and how I was going to replace it if I hadn't. Talk about fucking anxiety. One thing I never want to have to do over is high school. It's not that it was "bad", per se, it's just not something I'd ever want to relive. I much prefer the freedom of college.

I think I'm tired. I only talk like this when I'm tired.

Yeah.. I'm tired.
- posted by Brendan @ 4:51 AM 0 comments