Mood: Nervous
Music: Heated Heavy - Krayzie Bone

Krayzie Bone should just leave Bone Thugs ~n~ Harmony and focus on his solo stuff. His solo album is about 100x better than the past two Bone albums.

I've got this feeling in the pit of my stomach. It's that kind of sense of foreboding that you'd find in a David Lynch film... like in Mullholland Drive when the director visis the creepy cowboy. Or in Lost Highway when Bill Pullman is talking to the creepy guy who calls himself at Pullman's house. That kind of foreboding, like something 'bad' is just about to happen. That uncomfortable vague sense that you're about to get fucked over.

The weather reports are promising the biggest snow storm this winter, just in time for my voyage to Western Uni to see Marisa. Yep, I always knew God wasn't amused by my deistic-agnosticism. Doesn't really matter though. Even if I do go, that feeling of feeling in the pit of my stomach is going to still be there.

If I was God, which I wish I was, I'd be a pretty kickass god. Hmm, that's probably a bad thing to say. Now I know it's going to snow a lot tomorrow. Saying you could do a better job at being god than, well, God, is probably a bad sin. Damn.

Speaking of God - I want this shirt. The thing though, is that if I wore that I think it'd be interpreted as being blasphemous. Which it's probably supposed to be, though that's not how I would personally interpret it. Blasphemy isn't cool. But, I mean, I don't see the difference between calling Jesus your homeboy and wearing a shirt that said "I'm not scared of the devil cuz Jesus beat him with a stick." - which is a T-shirt this kid in my high school would wear every single time we got a day we could wear street clothes instead of our uniforms. I think this shirt is more a parody of that modern Christianity movement that tries to make it hip and fresh. Now even Catholics are doing it. There should be no drum set in church! I like my Catholicism cold and harsh! Like the Inquisition. None of this lets all hold hands and sing crap. If I wanted to do that, I'd be Baptist. If I was the Pope, first thing I'd do is get rid of the "sign of piece" and then tell people there would be no more holding of hands during the 'Our Father'. Moreover, I'd outlaw, or criminalize or... sinnify... this new practice of "introducing yourself to those around you" at the beginning of mass. What the fuck is that? I also think there should be more burning of heretics at the stake. Whatever happened to that anyway?

I'm going to hell :(

This reminds me of a joke though: The pope had just gotten back to Rome after an extensive tour of nations promoting peace. He was standing outside the airport as his limo pulled up. His driver got out and went to open the door for the Pope, but as he held the door open the Pope commented that it'd been years and years since he'd been able to drive himself. He then asked his driver if he could drive himself home, and asked the driver to get into the backseat. The driver looked nervous and said that he didn't feel comfortable with that, and if anyone found out he'd lose his job. The Pope told him he wouldn't let that happen, and that he'd make it worth his while. After thinking a moment, the driver agreed to the arrangement and handed the keys over to the Pope.

As soon as the Pope was in the car, he hit the gas pedal and sent the car flying into traffic. The driver in the back seat began to ask the Pope to slow down, but the Pope ignored him. In and out of traffic the Pope weaved in the car, going upwards of 120mph. Suddenly the sounds of sirens filled the car, and a squad car began to chase the Pope down the road. The driver in the backseat began to freak out, screaming that he would lose his job for this. Even the Pope was nervous as the cop approached the car. He rolled down the window and said, "Yes sir, is there a problem?" - startled, the police officer said, "Uh... one moment."

The officer went back to his squad car and called the Police Chief. He said, "Chief.. I think I've got a problem here. I just pulled over a car and ther'es someone really important in it.", "Great!" replied the chief, "We can use this to show no one's above the law!" The officer replied, "No Chief.. I mean this guy is REALLY important." - "Well jeez," the chief replied, "who is it? A star? A politician? A musician?" - "No," replied the officer, "I think it's God. He has the Pope driving for him."

:)
- posted by Brendan @ 7:31 PM 0 comments

 
I just got a paper cut on my top lip while I was licking the envelope of my mother's Valentine's Day card.

This is a great day.
- posted by Brendan @ 2:55 PM 0 comments

 

Mood: Sick
Music: Room 312 - Silent Hill 2 OST

It's impossible for me to put into words what I feel now. I have basically started down the road that will lead, sooner not later, to the end of a friendship. And not a quiet and resigned "time to go our seperate ways" schism, no, this will be a complicated and sticky mess. A bitter, angry, ending. Even though I knew he'd been lying to me, and about me, for months now I always turned a blind eye because of other interests I wanted to keep alive. Shallow, selfish, manipulative and cold as that i. Well, something happened last night that made me realize I can't do that anymore. That things have gone too far, and that the more I look away the worse it all gets - and not just for me, but for others around me. I can't let that happen. It's time for me to stop playing this game, and to do what I should have done months ago and take the consequences whatever they may be. This will be very bad, and is probably the most fucked up situation I've been in thus far. In my early high school years I decided that friendships were too personal, and that a large group of close acquintances was a better route. I dropped my gaurd and made friends. And now, years later, I'm coming back to my original ideology. You'll be hearing a lot more about this in the coming month or two. And it will have further reacing effects than you might expect.

I give second chances without thinking about it. But I never give thirds. I think he's on his fourth.

I was up till 4:30am this morning researching this issue, gathering my 'proofs' and documenting why exactly things are as they are. It's become very formal, and I guess through that I am able to distance myself from it. As I snooped and sneaked last night, I felt like a detective. I felt like I was really smart - gathering the clues, finishing the puzzle and finding the answers. But it wasn't as glamerous as that. At about 4 it hit me what this all meant, and I felt like I wanted to cry. My eyes did well up a bit. Not out of sadness or anger, but blind frustration. Frustration that it's come to this point, frustrated that I'm in this position doing things I would never do otherwise. Taking the gloves off, and pulling no punches.

Vague enough for you?

Monday is the beginning of the end.
- posted by Brendan @ 2:42 PM 0 comments

 

Mood: Intrigued
Music: Wyclef Jean - Bubblegoose

Haha - look at that. LiveJourney.com is indeed back in action. I kind of suspected that they'd be back because of the code 500 error I was getting, which meant someone was doing something with the domain. Well, whatever. I considered switching back to that service because I miss the "leave a comment" function, but Blogger strikes me as more reliable and I can customize a lot more, plus I get to host the entires on my own server which means I have easy access to backup my files. I think there's a code to get the talkback function on here anyway.. just gotta figure it out..

At any rate, if you want to check my archive of earlier posts - refer to Digital Iris 1.0 at liveJourney. I'm sure you were just dying to know that.

I'll have more worthwhile things to say tomorrow. Right now I'm just kind of vegging. I was watching shorts at atomfilms.com - and further building up my confidence that I can produce a film.. or at least, produce a film as good as the stuff on there. David Lynch's Dumbland was pretty cool though. Lynch is cool, even if he can get a little too weird for even my tastes (read: Lost Highway).
- posted by Brendan @ 2:52 AM 0 comments